Shafin Shafin Gwal na Champagne
Da kyau, abokai, menene 2018 ya kasance! Kuma yayin da muke bikin zagayowar shekarar 2019 tare da shampen da kuma mafi shampen, tambaya ta tashi: abin da za a yi da kwalabe?
Ba zan iya tabbatar da hakan ba, amma ina tsammanin tun lokacin da Faransawa suka kirkiro ruwan inabi mai kyalli a cikin kwalabe masu nauyi tare da bututun da aka saka, mutane suna amfani da kwalaben da ba komai a matsayin kayan wasan jima'i. Kwalban suna da kyau sosai kafin ma a wurin hutawa * pop * na abin toshe kwalaba da shuɗar farin kumfa. Wannan pop-da-gush koyaushe yana sanya jima'i akan tunanin kowa. Sannan mu sha. Abubuwan hanawa sun fara ƙafewa…
A lokacin da kwalabe suke fanko? Kai betcha wani yana samun wani abu da ya tursasa su! Kusan doka ce ta yanayi.
A duk faɗin duniya, mutane suna yin bukukuwan Sabuwar Shekara. Yawancin su, ina tsammanin, suna da kyau. Shampagne ko a'a. Amma lokacin da mai kuɗi ɗaya ne a cikin ɗaki mai banƙyama tare da dame mai laushi da guga kankara da waccan kwalabar kwalba kuma babu shaidu kwata-kwata? Zata manne gindinta kai tsaye saboda shi, oh eh zata yi, kuma taja mata baya da dadi. Bayan duk sai kayi wani abu yayin da kuke jiran hidimar ɗaki don kawo wani kwalban:
Na kalli batsa da yawa a lokacin na, kuma har yanzu ba ni da duka a yatsa. Na tuna wani faifan bidiyo wanda aka watsa akan tsarin sadarwar takwarorinmu na farko-da-tsara, asalin Napster-wancan-shine, wanda aka shigar dashi kara har ya manta. A'a, ba don waƙa kawai ba! Akwai wani sanannen fayil ɗin fim, a cikin wani abin takaici na RealMovie, na wani mutum yana girgiza kwalbar shampen tare da ɗan yatsa a baki. Sannan ya tura shi rabin hanyar sama da farjinta a motsi daya mai santsi. Kwalbar ta tsaya, amma shampen ya dawo yana dawowa cikin wani kumfa mai fashewa wanda ya rufe komai, gami da ruwan tabarau na kyamara. Kuma… scene. Barka da sabon shekara!
Bari mu koma kan lokaci. Na kasance saurayi, ina karanta littattafai masu datti da hannu ɗaya. Na tuno da wani irin smut wanda ya kama mini tunani. Ya kasance batsa BDSM na Victoria, watakila ta Richard Manton ko wani irinsa. Na tuna musamman wannan yanayin wasan kwaikwayo. Manyan rakehells da doxins ɗinsu sun kasance masu yin jima'i. Akwai kwalban shampen, kuma gogaggun suna gudana gasa mai raɗaɗi. Wace yarinya ce zata iya saka wuyan kwalbar ya kara mata hanya? Suna amfani da lebe don yiwa alama kwalban tsakanin gwadawa, kuma akwai wani mummunan hukunci da ke jiran yarinyar da ta sami ci gaba sosai. Lube? Ta yaya zai cewa kasance wasa, eh menene, tsohon chap?
Wani lokacin ma, idan isasshen shampen ya gudana, kyakkyawar liyafa a kowane lokaci na shekara na iya rushewa cikin tsautsayi. Kamar dai can wurin. Ganin madubin bangon da ke bango da rashin daidaiton jinsi (maza huɗu, mace ɗaya, kwalabe uku na kumfa) Zan yi hasashen cewa wannan ƙungiya da ke hoton da ke ƙasa koyaushe ana shirin tafiya ta wannan hanyar. Ya yi kama da ana yin sa a gidan karuwai, wanda zai sa matar ta zama mai kwazo da himma:
Duk inda kuka same shi, kodayake, bikin har yanzu jam'iyya ce. Kuma wannan yana kama da mai kyau.
A halin yanzu, kwalban shampen yana yin irin wannan abin sanya abun wasan yara na jima'i, ba za ku iya da'awar cewa ba karamar jarabta kuke ba. Amma ko kun sanya ɓangaren jima'i na bikin ku na 2019, ku sami Sabuwar Sabuwar Shekara!
