Labor Porn For Labor Day
This post is written in honor of the upcoming Labor Day holiday in the United States. Here we fear socialism and communism too much to honor organized labor when the rest of the world does. Pretty much everyone else celebrates labor solidarity on International Workers Day on May 1, but the United States is a special snowflake. One hundred and twenty years ago, we decided to have our Labor Day in early September instead, to “own” the socialists. (Labor Day is on September 3 this year.) In fact socialism is such a dirty word here, we imagine that even socialist porn must be dour and grumpy, like this:
“Hail, heroines of socialist labor! Put down your sickles, and open your blouses just a few buttons further! Let us frolic together in comradeship among the sheaves! Afterwards, I promise, restored by our moments of mutual physical culture, we toil together! We must fulfill the Five Year Plan and bring about the full flowering of revolutionary triumph!”
(Does this ever work? Ivan Ivanovich, I don’t think they want any. In fact… run!)
Of course we demon capitalists have our own unsung industrial heroines. The look on this poor woman’s face as she models the SAF-T-BRA suggests that whatever they paid her, it isn’t enough:
We’re not actually seeing her tits, though. Nope, that so-called “bra” is actually a solid plastic full-chest breastplate that they make women workers wear in her factory. Also, do you think they asked any woman alive about those googly-eyed round safety glasses on the girl at left? No, they just gave them to that poor lady, and told her to show up for the safety-gear shoot or be fired. She looks as if she’s there at gunpoint. Hail these true heroines of capitalism!
For most workers in the United States, though, Labor Day is a holiday of leisure. The smaller towns, mid-sized cities, and suburbs across the land empty out on Friday before the long weekend. Every pickup truck, sport utility vehicle, boat trailer, boat, jet ski, recreational vehicle, tow-behind camper-trailer, and pop-up camper that can move heads out for looking for fun, aimed at lakeside campgrounds, state and national parks, and anywhere that a cabin can be rented, an RV can be parked, or a tent can be pitched.
The only faint echo of labor solidarity that remains on display back home? Yard work! Stay-at-home fuddy-duddies of every description prep their gardens for the fall season. They clean up their yards, get ready for autumn leaf fall, and do general yard maintenance. And if there’s a little bit of clandestine neighbor-poking going on across the back fence, what of it? That’s an ancient sport in suburbia, and what’s the harm?
No post celebrating a labor holiday via pornographic imagery could possibly be complete without at least one photograph of the hardworking ama divers of Japan, who routinely work topless as they dive to harvest oysters and kelp:
Yes, they are on the wrong side of the Pacific to benefit from a US labor holiday, but they are absolutely the prettiest laborers in the world. I include them by fiat. They are welcome in this post, because I, Bacchus, lord of drunken misrule, declare it so!
