The MILFs That Ted Likes

The internet has been buzzing ever since the very earliest hours of September 12, when the Twitter account for United States Senator Ted Cruz suddenly popped up with a big old red heart “like” for a Reality Kings porn clip from the famous MILF Hunter website, a clip starring Corey Chase.

There are plenty of other websites out there today who want to bask in your hate-bait clicks by beating up on Ted Cruz, who is indeed said to be the most hated man in the US Senate. Imagining him liking a porn clip at midnight is extra funny because among the things he’s infamous for (it’s really a long list) is the time he wrote legal briefs for the state of Texas arguing that Americans don’t have the constitutional right to masturbate. In his own charming phrasology:

There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.

Not hard to see why people hate this guy, right? (He was defending a ban on the sale of sex toys. He lost.)

The commentary about that episode from his college roommate pretty much sums up his hypocrisy then and now:

Ted Cruz thinks people don't have a right to "stimulate their genitals." I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his.

— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) April 13, 2016

Yeah, well, that’s not why we’re here. Enough about Ted Cruz. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy in particular!

Let’s talk about MILF porn for a moment!

“MILF” is an acronym. It stands for “Mothers I’d Love to Fuck.” They don’t have to be literally “mothers” — there don’t need to be kids running around. It’s an age thing. It means, usually, a few years older than the young man presumed to be buying the porn or doing the fucking; not the girl he goes to college with or asks on a date, but younger than the “mature” woman who is his own mother’s age. MILF is a pretty flexible acronym. MILFs cover a lot of waterfront. Have you ever seen the fit hot mammas pushing strollers into a Target or a Whole Foods? Lotta MILFs in that crowd!

I said I wasn’t going to talk any more about Ted Cruz, and I won’t. Although other people have not stopped yet, and some of them are fuckin’ hilarious:

the woman from teds video and his wife Heidi haha pic.twitter.com/qB9n2b5Z4B

— mr. understood (@EMlNEMOBAMA) September 12, 2017

Onward! Not about Ted Cruz. About the MILF porn! The news coverage of the MILF porn liked on his Twitter account is all over the map in trying to describe it while exhibiting proper journalistic squeamishness and distance from “the material.” Did we need a taxonomy of media squeamishness about MILF porn? No matter, we got one, and here it is. The Washington Post called the clip:

…a certain video from the “Milf Hunter” series. The clip itself is just over two minutes, details of its contents mostly unprintable. It features a sectional sofa, the pornographic actress Cory Chase, her fictitious nude stepdaughter, and a very energetic young man.

New York Magazine went with old-fashioned boredom as a descriptive style:

The two-minute video features a woman who comes home to find a couple has broken into her house and is having sex on her couch. Rather than reacting in any number of ways a person who discovers naked home invaders might react, she proceeds to masturbate while watching the couple.

Gizmodo didn’t even try. Somewhere Nick Denton is crying in his beer at what Univision has done to all of his Gawker Media blog-babies:

The porn video…shows a woman walking in on a man and woman having sex on a couch.

The UK’s Independent is even worse, going with “footage of two women and a man engaged in sexual activity.”

Newsweek’s style has a lot in common with New York Magazine’s, only at least Newsweek has heard of female pleasure:

That clip, 2 minutes and 20 seconds in length, has a woman walking into what appears to be her house. There, she discovers a couple having sexual intercourse. She proceeds to watch them, to her own evident pleasure.

And that is how MILF porn made the newspapers in the USA, thanks to America’s most hated Senator!