Sex With Donald Trump: Stormy Daniels Tells All

Don’t pity Stormy Daniels, even if she did have to touch Donald Trump’s penis. As her full interview from 2011 with InTouch magazine makes clear, she had her reasons for fucking The Donald, and they weren’t about sexual fulfillment. As near as we can tell from the interview, her reasons were that (1) he was a pretty decent conversationalist who let her insult him a lot, and (2) Donald Trump had something she wanted (namely, the chance to get on broadcast television) which he dangled shamelessly in front of her as bait. She’s a smart woman, she knew pretty deep in her gut that he wasn’t very likely to deliver the television role, but fucking him was no particularly big thing to her, and (I’m reading between the lines here) there seemed like maybe just enough of a small chance he might come through with the TV part? So she swallowed his bullshit with a smile and went to his room and fucked him (once!) and when nothing came of it, that was the end of their “affair”.

Now, how much of any of this should we believe? After all, there have been a couple of denials, released on paper under her signature by the Trump people. When she went on Jimmy Kimmel she was a perfect mistress of obfuscation, saying nothing but pretty ambiguities. The upshot is, she’s not saying anything definite in public now, which is consistent with the reports that she got paid a lot of money not to speak the truth. The Trump people vehemently deny the whole story, but they don’t deny that Stormy got paid. Why did Stormy get paid — by the man who notoriously has a reputation for not paying his construction contractors whenever he can get away with stiffing them — if the story didn’t happen? And anyway, who is more credible here, lawyers who work for the worst liar in the world, or a hard-working porn-star who had no good reason to lie, back in 2011 when she gave the interview?

At the end of the day, though, it boils down to the words in the interview. Read them, and taste them for yourself. Do they feel like fiction, or do they feel like reality? Do they sound like a true story? Do they sound like a hard-working woman-in-porn, telling an authentic account of her experience meeting and fucking the biggest bullshit artist in the Western world? You’ve got to decide that for yourself. Me, I think it all reads as a pretty authentic-sounding story. And if so, here are some of the highlights of what it’s like to get seduced and fucked by Donald Trump:

I went in and I was all dressed up because I had just assumed that we were going to go to dinner, but he meant to have dinner in his room. Like he wasn’t dressed to go out at all, just lounging. I remember taking a jab at him. I remember saying, because he was all sprawled out on the couch, watching television or something. He was wearing pajama pants. And I was like, “Ha, does Mr. Hefner know that you stole his outfit?” I was actually really mean to him. He got all huffy and tried to play it off and was like, “Oh, I just thought we would relax here.” We ended up having dinner in the room. I cannot remember what we ordered.

…

We hung out for a while. We talked. He asked me a lot of questions about my business. You know, the business I work in and how it works and how it functions. All like technical questions. He was very curious. Not necessarily about the sex or anything like that, but business questions. He kept showing me he was on the cover of a magazine that had just come out and it was some sort of money magazine, I wish I could remember which one it was. But he had it in the room and he kept showing it to me and I was like, “Dude, I know who you are.” He was trying to sell me, I guess. The first time I met him, the first couple of hours, he was very full of himself, like he was trying to impress me or something. But I do remember he just kept talking about this magazine that he was on the cover of, like, “Look at this magazine, don’t I look great on the cover?”

…

And then he goes — I might be out of order with the conversation because it was so long ago. But he was like, “You know what? You’re really smart. You’re not dumb.” And I was like, “Thanks, d—. What does that mean?” And he goes, “You should be on.” And I was like, “Really? No, I don’t think so.” And he just kept thinking about it, I could see his little wheels turning. He goes, “No, it would be really, really good for you. People would think you’re just this idiot with blond hair and big boobs. You would be perfect for it because you’re such a smart businesswoman. You write and you direct and you produce and obviously you’re hot and you’re beautiful.” And I was like, “Well, it’s never going to happen. NBC is never going to let a porn star on.” And he was like, “I can make it happen.” And I was like, “You can’t. I dare you.” I was totally egging him on. And that was kind of like the thing, he was like, “No, we have to work on this for you.”

…

I had to use the bathroom and I went to the restroom, which was in the bedroom. Like I said, it was a big suite. I could describe the suite perfectly. When I came out, he was sitting on the bed and he was like, “Come here.” And I was like, “Ugh, here we go.” And we started kissing. I actually don’t even know why I did it but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, “Please don’t try to pay me.” And then I remember thinking, “But I bet if he did, it would be a lot.” Isn’t that horrible? But I remember thinking, “I hope he doesn’t think I’m a hooker.” Not that I have anything against hookers. I just personally have never done it. Still, I have no idea why I did it. Honestly, I really don’t.

So anyway, the sex was nothing crazy. He wasn’t like, chain me to the bed or anything. I can definitely describe his junk perfectly, if I ever have to. He definitely seemed smitten after that. He was like, “I wanna see you again, when can I see you again?”

It was textbook generic sex. It wasn’t like, “Oh my God, I love you.” He wasn’t like Fabio or anything. He wasn’t trying to have, like, porn sex. You know. It was one position, what you would expect someone his age to do. It wasn’t bad. Don’t get me wrong.

Perhaps it seems to you that what Stormy describes in that interview sounds like a terrible waste of opportunity. Donald Trump does not seem to be a man, judging by this evidence, who makes the most of the considerable sexual access that his wealth and celebrity affords him. Stormy deserves better — and usually gets it, at least when she works with professionals! Here are some clips that showing Stormy getting fucked a whole lot more thoroughly and comprehensively than she was the night she let Donald Trump take her back to his opulent hotel suite for overdone steak and businesslike mishandling:

Now that’s how it’s done!