When Women Squirt

not female ejaculation

Female ejaculation. Squirting. Gushing. For some it’s a fetish, for some it’s a marker of an extremely strong female orgasm. For lots of people, though? It’s just an excuse to argue.

You? You shouldn’t argue about squirting. Especially if you’re a dude.

In fact, if you’re a dude, there are powerful reasons to keep your fucking mouth shut about the whole squirting phenomenon. Let me explain.

Most men who have never been present during a squirt may think, or say, “It’s just pee.” Don’t be this guy. If you’ve ever been around during the waterworks, you know better. The taste is wrong, the smell is wrong, the color is often wrong, the texture is all wrong. It just ain’t pee. This is the biggest reason to keep your mouth shut, dudes. The moment anything that sounds like urine-suspicion starts coming out of your mouth, your reputation for being a confident cocksman is destroyed with seriously sexual people. You might as well just start running around shouting “I’m a virgin! I’m a virgin! I’m a virgin!”

Maybe you haven’t been so lucky. Maybe none of your sex partners have been squirters. And maybe you are a skeptic because you’ve seen some unconvincing squirting porn. Well, squirting is a tricky thing for female performers to command for the camera. There’s no Viagra for it! In all the universe of poorly-made porn, have they made “squirting” porn where the squirting scene got faked by a peeing performer? You betcha! On a porn screen, nobody can smell or taste or feel the difference; and if you thought “ethics in gaming journalism” was a joke (spoiler: it was), just wait until we have the “ethics in pornography production” conversation. In short, on video, it all boils down to what you choose to believe based on the quality of the acting.

But the “squirting porn is all fake” opinion (false, by the way) is a trap. You should shut your yap about that, too, if that’s how you think. Don’t believe me? It’s time for some game theory! Let’s go the other way: imagine that you open your fat mouth and say it. Basically you’re accusing the actresses of faking their ejaculations. True or not, the women who hear you will hear this as a “women are liars” generalization, and that’s bad for you. Plus, they’ll hate you twice for not understanding that porn actresses who do simulate their sexual performances are always acting under the direction of some third party, to please an audience. (That’s you, fucker!) Yet here you are, dragging them for deception instead of praising them for a performance. It’s not a good look. You can’t win either way. Better to keep your mouth shut.

How does the “it’s just pee” stupidity survive in the age of Google? Man, not a dumbass, types “it’s just pee” into Google, saves self from looking like virgin middle-schooler, film at eleven. Sadly it’s not so simple. Too many male “experts” spent too many years being squeamish about independent female sexuality. They spent a generation trying to deny and erase that shit, and churned out forty zillion articles poo-pooing the clitoris, the g-spot, female ejaculation, all of it. Google is full of their psuedo-scientific fartings, and it’s all mixed up with the good science. It takes a three-day geekfest to sort it all out. Or, you could just trust the evidence of your senses:

feeling for her g-spot

I am not going to to try, in the short length of one of these posts, to tell you how to “make your woman squirt.” What are we, cave people? To put it better: it’s easy to Google techniques that will help you and your partner experience her squirting orgasm. But just for starters, if you and she are facing each other and she’s highly aroused already and you have a finger or two inside her and you gesture with them as if to say with them “come here” and you feel the flesh inside her pussy under your fingertips become ridged or bumpy in a way that it was not before, be aware that you may at least be well started on your (and her) squirting adventure. There are no guarantees (people, and pussies, and fingers, are highly individualistic!) but that ridged/bumpy texture (G-spot!) is a promising sign.

Hope you remembered to put some towels down!

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